Wednesday, June 01, 2005


im at school right now. it sucks ass! its so hot outside, and in for that matter. im on a spare right now, but no one's really outside and i have nothing to do and no money to do it with. matt's in class. which sucks, but at least he's going. he's been really good about it, but i keep asking him to skip. opps, hahaha. almost out of cigs, which sucks!!! but i get paid on friday. maybe anna has money she could lend me, or i could ask nancy, but i dont want to do that. i hate asking nancy for money.

im going shopping on saturday. prolly buy new shoes, pants, and im thinking nail polish. maybe. i dont know what colour, but i think it would be a good idea. but, i'd always end up wearing the same colour, everyday. just like these god damned pants. but matt's loves them, and they are the only pants he doesnt complain about. man, i suck.

i changed my courses for next year. im taking english, writer's craft, challenge and change, strings, drafting, and this other social science course. i hope they'll be good.

bored, bored, bored. but im supposed to be working on my ancient history project. god damn it. it was due last week and i havent even started. hmm, schools almost done. thank god! hopefully me and matt can find a ride with someone, so we dont have to walk and we can still smoke a pope bowl.

im hungry! stupid school and all their chocolate bars, and people eating. i almost brought pop today. i had it in my back pack and ready to go, but i decided to leave it in the car. cause im a loser like that.

i have my book for my culminating activity. its only 60 pages long, small writing, and big pages, but it shouldnt take me long to read. i have 12 days until it's due and i gotta start working on it! or im gonna fail!!! fuck, i dont want to fail! im taking correspondence during the summer i hope. english if i fail english, and philosiphy if i just feel like it. if i start failing it, i will just get my parents to do the work for me, just so they can get their money back. i would feel so bad if i failed it!

15 minutes left. just 15. the day is finally almost over! thank god. me and matt are going back to my place to work on him homework. hopefully i can find some time to get to mine. the thing is, i never have anthing i can just work on. i have all these big things that i have to start, but i never do. i just have to pull up my socks and get started. i took the first step today by getting my book. im either reading "call of the wild" or "franny and zooey". probably call of the wild because it's alot smaller. i just hope that it's interesting. otherwise i won't be able to get through it. then im going to read franny and zooey. which i have started before, just never finished.

not much to say actually. matt got tiff's number, but he got through to an answering machine that said it was "kayla" but that's prolly just because tiff is just staying there, not really a "home owner". lol. i hope we get to see her though. i haven't seen tiff since like....march, february? fuck, that's a long time and i didnt even realise it. nothing much has really happened though. nothing interesting anyway. did drugs, partied some, lots of sex. but thats nothing new. i want to get out there and do something, but there's just nothing to do.

well, me and matt might go see modest mouse in toronto, but i dunno. its really expensive. like 50$ a ticket, and i want to stay with mike, not karalee. just because we could smoke pot then, and cigs. well, we might be able to smoke cigs, but i dunno. it's weird smoking in front of my family. i dont like to, but matt doesnt care. but matt doesnt care about a whole lot. or really anything. except hopefully for me. well, of coarse he does, but i wish he would express it more.

blah blah blah, same shit as always. i hope he's not still upset about yesterday. im going to try to be a better girlfriend, i just dont know if i can do it. i always feel wanting, like im asking too much. maybe i am...

still time left. fuck, this is boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im afraid mrs. colllinson is going to come up behind me and catch me with my lip ring in. that will suck the day that happens again. but she said she'd just give me a detention.

school is almost over! school is almost over! i can hardly wait!

im going to go, hopefully it will take me 5 minutes to walk upstairs. i could walk really slow, but thats hard for me to do. i always walk fast, well usually. except when i've been walking for a bit, then i walk painfully slow. hahhaa. im a loser.

well, not as much as a loser as i used to be, but im getting better, i hope. i try to just keep my mouth shut and let people interact around me. i dont really like talking to people, they make me nervous. well, teenagers. i cant look at people when they talk to me, especially if they seem "better" than me, which depending on my mood, can be everyone.

anyway fairwell.


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